*If you are experiencing overwhelming feelings of fear or sadness, please seek expert or professional care such as a liscensed physician or counseling professional.
One of the most surprising things we can learn about ourselves is the discovery that we are and have for a long time been holding onto fears or anger living in our subconscious that instead of us are truly at the wheel and driving our future thoughts, feelings, and behavior. Even though I maintain a blog, sometimes I feel writing about my fears is focusing on the negative having these feelings I want to avoid them at all costs. But, we need to face them in order to get past them. You may be surprised about some of the feelings, thoughts, and behaviors you currently own and unaware that exists.
Feelings, Beliefs, and Values
Each and every person has feelings whether they are willing to admit it or not that is meant to help guide and protect us from eminent danger. Sometimes, we may go through an experience where we feel intense emotion and choose to set those feelings aside and move on. The problem though is that we really do not move on from that experience but we place those feelings deep down inside us that will overtime fester and begin to affect our life in subtle ways (tainting our perspective about ourselves and our world and interfering with our life) that eventually will surface demanding our attention.
A healthy way of experience is feeling intense emotions and fully processing them. Some people say this is when we come to terms with our feelings so that we are able to put our experience into perspective resolving the feelings, thoughts, and behavior placing them where they need to be in our heart (value and belief system) so as to serve us the way they are meant to serve us.
Instead of Johnny being a tough guy and saying his recent break up does not matter, he sits down and experiences his feelings, cry if he needs to, maybe reason out why he feels what he feels, possibly share what he is feeling with a trustworthy friend, and decide how these feelings help him to grow from his experience. Not every experience we have in life is readily resolvable over night. Some experiences may take a little longer such as days, weeks, even years to put into proper perspective. We may not know the answers we need right away, but being attentive to our feelings, caring enough about ourselves, and processing them in a healthy way, we are possibly three quarters of the way to fame. Its kind of science you know? You don’t like science? Its like a romance novel between us and our emotions.
Difficult Emotions and Unknown Causes
We may not know where our feelings are coming from so we may need to do some work to help us get to the root of the emotion (anger, fear, sadness) we feel so we can process and move forward. Some experiences may present to us from our early life experiences we may not even realize. Yes, the time cousin Mary poured hot sauce on our chocolate cake is now causing us anxiety in our thirties. Who is cousin Mary?
Many times, we may think our anxiety or sadness comes from current experiences, but they really are more to do with something we went through in our past that has quietly or beneath the surface been building and collecting over the years. For example, a typical nervous type person gets nervous about flying all the sudden experiences an intense and overwhelming episode of anxiety. Most people have some anxiety over flying, but they do not shut down for days because of an upcoming flight. He or she may want to consider something lurking beneath the surface needing drawing out and facing more importantly while with someone who cares.
Taking out pen and paper and free writing about our feelings can many times help us identify with our feelings so we can focus on them enough to resolve them. Some people may choose to attend a session of hypnotherapy or talk therapy (Yay Freud). Free writing is pretty cool and allows feelings we are not sure about come up to the surface. “I feel nervous, the cat is on the lawn, the kettle is about to boil…” This is because our experiences have connection to our current experience such as our most recent date or job interview. I have no idea why I called you by my ex’s name (I guarantee you you are not the first to do this and maybe you do still have unresolved feelings about him/her). We call this the Freudian Slip! If all of life and emotion were so easy!
By writing about how we currently feel or currently think without judging those thoughts or feelings that come up, we are able to identify with our true feelings and emotions we feel have no name. We can work through our thoughts, feelings, and emotions (I am not good enough, no one cares about me) challenging them (hey my feline Charlie cares about me) and resolving them in our heart (life’s not so bad hey look I am amazing pitcher) and mind so we can move on to the fun things in life (yes they do exist).
Final Thought on Troubled Feelings
If you ever tried reading and someone playing loud music, you will get a sense of how ignored feelings, thoughts, and behavior can interfere with your focus on the now. Why does “Johnny always insist on pissing me off?” (its not all Johnny). When we want to focus on the now and develop our feeling of attracting what we want, we may have feelings that cloud our heart and mind. We can work on bringing these feelings to our awareness, face them (with a trusty friend or magical therapist if need be), get better perspective on them, and work through to resolve them by putting them in the proper place so we feel better and excited about the future or possibilities and well…grow. We can overcome any challenge in life and live the life we often only dream about living.
Until next post…be true to yourself…be authentic!